You’re Not Alone !
If you are a parent that has just found out your son or daughter is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender and are now feeling shocked, unsure, isolated or many of the other emotions we parents feel when we first discover our childs sexual orientation or gender identity, (that is different to ours) then this site will be invaluable to you.
We as parents who are hetrosexual and have been brought up in a society with a low level of understanding of homosexuality (whether because of society in general or perhaps of our religious upbringing) often have a very hard time in coming to terms with news that our very couragous and honest children have given us.
Most of our children whether they are younger or older when they have come out to us have usually taken years to try and come to terms with their sexuality or gender. Some have a very hard time with this process and some never really come to terms with it themselves. Some find it easier not for you to know at all. But they all have seriously thought it through and have finally wanted to be honest to themselves and their loved ones by coming out.
This Is Not Something They Choose To Be.
Unfortunatly when they come out to us (intentionally or other wise) we tend to go straight into that same closet they came out of. Now We have to come to terms with our childs sexuality or change of gender.
Just remember we cannot change them, they are who they are as we are who we are and no one can change us or would we want them to.
The first thing we, parents of gay children, have to do is acknowledge their sexuality and let them know that no matter what, that we love them. Then we find support for ourselves, and in this I mean several things, it could be in reading material. Read as much as you can because for most of us this is the first real interaction we have knowingly had with a gay or transgender person. There are many, many good books.
Talk to your child about their life and what it means to be gay or transgender. This is such a good way to really know your child and we all would want that as parents. It is also a good way of finding out if your child is coping with life. This is where our unconditional love and support comes in to play. This can be hard for some parents of gay children but it is neccessary so we can keep the lines of communication open.
Find out where the gay communities are, read their papers, go to restaurants etc in the gay community. This will make you realize that gay people are normal people like the rest of us. You are amongst gay people all the time but you just don’t know because they are just like us.
Find a support group like PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays)and speak to other parents of gay children who are going through the same feelings as you. I found this to be a wonderful source of help. Remember you are not alone. You will not only be helped but you will in turn help other parents of gay children along the way.
As a mother of 2 sons whom has had to come to terms with both my boys coming out at different stages I would like to share some informative material that will hopefully help you and other parents of gay children survive and enjoy the journey that you are now on.
It Isn’t The End Of The World
It Is Just The Beginning !